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And when I opened my eyes he just like, as goofy as he was he was just a goofy person, he stuck his tongue out and was like, “Okay, let’s go play ‘007’” or something, whatever the game was. It felt like a good 10 minutes passed by before he leaned in and it was a really slow, just like a slow, soft kiss, and the biggest smile creeped on my face. So he was like, “Well, if you’re not going to do this dare, you have to do a counter dare, and the counter dare is going to be even worse.”īasically, he was like, “You have to strip down and sit here and we’re going to play the rest of this game, or you can just kiss me and we’ll go and play video games after this.”Īnd I was like, “Okay, I’ll kiss you but I’m going to do it with my eyes closed.” At that moment, I was like I don’t know what’s going to happen after that kiss, or is this a trick, or you know, is he feeling the same, does he even want this, so many things. I remember one of the last dares he said. It was very…it started getting me riled up. “You have to sit here the whole time in just your boxer shorts.” More and more they started to get a little heavier, a little more intense to me. We didn’t do a lot of “Truth”, there wasn’t a lot of “Truth”, there was like “Dares” and they started off really light, little things, I dare you to go outside in the middle of the night, take your pants off or something and run outside and run back in, easy things.

So the whole night we’re eating pizza, watching TV, playing video games, normal stuff, and he brings up the idea of playing “Truth or Dare.” And of course I’m like, yes! I don’t know how I’m going to make this happen but something’s going to happen. And I remember that urge for like, “This is going to be the moment, something, I don’t know what’s going to happen but this is going to happen.” We were always really close but there was this energy. He was being a little weird, maybe it was just because I was leaving, I don’t know. So I was staying at his house as a little goodbye, and that night was a little different. I definitely, I had encounters with girls and stuff like that, but I knew that wasn’t what I wanted, I knew that wasn’t how I was feeling. We still had not any real contact with another male. I would say it was a couple weeks before I moved to Georgia, it was the summer after my sophomore year of high school and I stayed at his house just as a kind of a last hoorah. We were on dance teams together, I guess I should have known he was gay then, but, we were on dance teach together, we ran track, we did a lot of sports together so I was always sleeping over at his house, and there would be times that I would be over there spending the night wishing something would happen, anything, a kiss, just him telling me, like, you know, high school boy’s fantasy I guess. We went through middle school into high school together and I definitely had a crush on him, I just never really, it was just like I really liked him, I didn’t know if he was gay, we never talked about it, I never even let that part of me really out. I had a friend who I had known since probably 7th grade. I didn’t really know anybody who was gay but I knew that I was gay. Growing up in Hawaii, it was different, it was a bit isolated, I didn’t have a lot of gay friends, I didn’t have any gay friends actually.

I’m Tirrell and I’m from Atlanta, Georgia.īefore moving to Georgia, I lived in Hawaii until I was 15.